GEORGE R.R. FEEDS ONLY COPY OF BOOK TO WOLVES WHILE ON BENDER

Game of Throne author George R.R. Martin feeds only copy of finished Winds of Winter to pack of wolves.

Earlier this week, George R.R. Martin reportedly consumed over a liter of homemade limoncello while visiting the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary, the wolf preserve owned by him and his wife.

“He was celebrating, you see.” The wife of George R.R. Martin told angry fans when they arrived, news of the event having spread quickly over social media by the staff of the sanctuary. “He’d been going on about it all day, how he was finally finishing the last page of Winds of Winter. I spent the early part of the afternoon with him, but once he was deep enough in his cups, he’d lost all focus and wouldn’t stop leafing through his oversized history of Westeros book and sideways glancing at me, as though I’m supposed to take interest in a book that no one in the world asked for!”

“Come my children, take the fruit of my loins.”

The kitchen staff for Martin’s guesthouse was somehow less forgiving than the fans that have been waiting for nearly a decade, “I’ve never seen someone drink so much limoncello! After stuffing his face with bacon and consuming 6 and a half lemon cakes to supposedly absorb the copious amounts of alcohol he’d drank, we chased him out of the kitchen. Those cakes weren’t even frosted yet! The last I saw him, he’d run off towards the preserve, wearing 4 or so different wine skins, and carrying a book or something.”

The groundskeeper only briefly saw Martin that day, “I was out trimming the hedges when I heard someone sniveling about cakes in one of the bushes. I was a bit startled at first, I think we both gave each other a good fright when I came upon him. That’s when he started shouting about the wolves being his true fans, and how he’d show all of us, which meant nothing to me, I don’t even read his books, I just try to keep the grounds nice for the visitors.”

“I’ve never seen someone drink so much limoncello!"

The guards for the preserve were the last to see Martin before the final incident occurred, “We frequently see Mr. Martin out around the preserve, so when we saw him that day, I almost didn’t think anything of it. Yes, I know he had undressed and was roaming the ground in faux fur skins, but like I said, we were used to seeing him about. It wasn’t until I noticed that he was on the wrong side of the fence that I knew something was wrong. I don’t even know how he got in there, but there he was.” The guard shrugged before adding, “I could hear him saying something, I know it sounds crazy, but it was like ‘Come my children, take the fruit of my loins,’ or something.” The guard leans in closer before continuing, “And that’s when I noticed them, a group of the wolves was right in front of him, just staring at him. I was frozen in amazement when one of the wolves stepped forward to grab the book from Mr. Martin’s hand and ran off with it along with the rest of that pack. It was so bizarre.” Scratching his head, the guard added, “Then I think I heard Mr. Martin say he was the ‘White Wolf’ or something and passed out.”

“Of course the wolves ran off with the book," the paramedic that arrived on the scene to treat the author had this to say, "Mr. Martin’s hand was covered in bacon grease, I bet those papers smelled like lunch.”